Authentic Eats Need Authentic Beats

Author

Deep
June 16, 2024

Sponsored by

Happy Sunday, crab cake.

This weeks email could be my best yet. So without further ado, let's get on with it.

Number of the Week

207—the number of times Cristiano Ronaldo will dive at this year's Euros.

Ronaldo seen here grazing an opposing player's penis while in mid-flight.

These stories are presented thanks to beehiiv, an all-in-one newsletter suite built by the early Morning Brew team.

Fully equipped with built-in growth and monetization tools, no code website and newsletter builder, and best-in-class analytics that actually move the needle.

The top newsletters in the world are built on beehiiv, and yours can be too. It's the most affordable option in the market, and you can try it for free — no credit card required.

Hidden Ambitions

Bill Anders, the astronaut responsible for the iconic Earthrise image, passed away last week. 

And while his picture is well known, what is less known is that Anders hated the very image that made him famous.

The truth was that Anders never wanted to be celebrated as a picture-taker. 

His dream was "to be the Kobe of astronauts," and his 1951 school yearbook quotes him saying as much, even though Kobe Bryant wasn't even born yet.

In the end, it was cyclist Lance Armstrong's son, Neil, that became the space GOAT.

Here are 5 other public faces who wished they were famous for something else:

1. Hillary Clinton: Most know her as the former FLOTUS and US Secretary of State, but Clinton actually wanted to be known for her finger-tapping skills.

Give her a desk and a pen, and she'll still knock out a first-class amen break à la Spinscott.

Hilary lives and breaths breakbeat.

2. Elon Musk: Musk never wanted to be a CEO or professional Twitter prick. Instead, he fancied himself as a baker, complete with icing and everything.

He still hopes one day to compete on the Netflix show 'Is It Cake?' in order to pivot back to his dream career.

Elon’s passion lies in pastries.

3. Burt Reynolds: Burt never wanted to be an actor. His real dream was to run a kebab shop, but his parents were racist against meat-eaters and wouldn't allow it.

As an act of defiance, he maintained a Turkish waiters moustache for much of his career.

Burt dreamt of shawarma in his sleep

4. Archbishop Desmond Tutu: Man like Tutu never wanted to be known as a bishop, or any other chess piece for that matter.

His real talent lay in creating Nokia phone ringtones, which is where his passion remained for the rest of his days.

Desmond could turn any tune into a ringtone.

5. Martina Navratilova: The tennis star never planned on winning 59 Grand Slam titles, but instead always dreamed she could land a job as a stuntman.

Friends urged her to reconsider and become a stuntwoman instead, but she wouldn't listen, even though back in those days, the law ruled that stuntmen had to be men.

Martina loved watching Fall Guy w/ Lee Majors

Drum and Bass in Portland

Our friends at Juice Drum and Bass cordially invite you to their next deep and soulful celebration with none other than DRS and LSB in session, along with top-notch supporting artists. 

It's happening at Holocene, in Portland, on June 29th.

Tap on the flyer to grab a ticket.

Ask MLD

Dear Man Like Deep,

Why do restaurants serving international food rarely play music from the same region?

I'll give you an example from yesterday when I was eating a bowl of Korean bibimbap for lunch.

As I ate I was subjected to the music of Taylor Shift, Billie Eyelids, and that other one, Dua Lip balm.

I might as well have tossed the bibimbap in the bin because I couldn't even taste the food while those songs were on. 

What on earth has Dua Lip sync got to do with South Korea?

I even bowed to the waiter on the way in just to keep it real, and this is what they put on the speakers?

Regards, Arthur 

P.S. Also our local Indian refuses to play anything other than Dubstep.

Dear Arthur,

Thank you for your letter. 

The choice of music one overhears mid-munch is a factor that must be taken seriously when deciding on what to consume for luncheon.

Take a Chipotle chainstore for example, and say, that Mexican Food Truck outside the office, complete with a long line of Hispanics waiting to order.

If the Food Truck decides on playing gabber, while Chipotle plays the Macarena, you know what to do. 

Always opt for the shittier food choice if the music's on point, because it will always be more authentic.

Because how authentic your food is, should be the most important consideration when deciding on what to feed your family, friends, or even pets.

If it tastes shit but the tunes are good, you're golden.

Not many people know this, but most healthy dogs will reject leftover pizza unless you've got Frank Sinatra on.

Dogs get it, and now you do too.

In terms of next steps, I'd start by boycotting the bibimbap bistro until they switch up the playlist. 

Even Gangnam Style would suffice at this point.

Cheers,

Deep

Caption Competition

Congratulations to reader Diner Grove, with last week's caption winner:

“There is no way you're boning this wrinkle factory."

Nice call-back to an Ask MLD letter, Diner Grove. You win the respect and admiration of about 3 people.

“There is no way you're boning this wrinkle factory." Diner Grove

There is no Caption Competition this week because I couldn't find a good picture. But I do have a poll for you:

Can you fart while walking?

This is not a theoretical poll, but it is anonymous. If you can fart while walking, select yes. If you can't, well then you have a life skill to work on.

Login or Subscribe to participate in polls.

Well that's it for this edition of Man Like Deep's newsletter. Thank you for reading.

Have a good week and remember to keep your friends close, and your enemies in the toaster.