Dell the Funky Data Breach

Today’s Number

81 — the number of times per day an average Australian picks their nose and eats it.

Entertainment

Baby Reindeer is a Netflix drama about a comedian’s relationship with his stalker named Martha, and it’s a true story.

A bit too true.

Turns out you can find the stalkers real name using AskJeeves if you really wanted to.

And some people did just that, but then went the extra mile and sent her death threats.

Not ideal.

So what would any stalker under siege do in a situation like this?

They’d go on the ‘Piers Morgan Uncensored’ YouTube show.

Because everyone has a price.

And for unmasked stalker Fiona Harvey, it’s a chance to get close to her newest target: Piers Morgan.

What Team Morgan didn’t realize after securing the rights to this exclusive interview was that the guest in question could well re-offend.

And if there’s one guiding principle all pro-stalkers live by, it is ‘you gotta stalk ‘em all.'

Some people would argue that pimpin’ ain’t easy.

Those people have never tried stalking.

“The game never ends. And as long as people keep being born, the work never ends,” suggests Satoshi Tajiri, the creator of Twitch sensation Pokemane.

Tajiri has a doctorate in stalking from Stanford and warns anyone associated with Piers Morgan that they too will become targets.

“If she sees you: then my friend you are well and truly mullered. My best advice is to pull a sickie on the day that she’s in, and probably change your name while you’re at it.”

You can watch the interview here.

Technology

Del the Funky Homosapien suffered a data breach leading to 49 million records of customer information being shared on the Dark Web.

There aren’t many rappers that have sold 49 million records and for Del the Funky Homosapien, the news couldn’t have come at a better time.

“My laptop’s just gone kaput and I need the extra money,” said the veteran rapper today at his local Best Buy.

Image of The Day