Things Are Gonna Get Messi

Today's email contains news, numbers, and opinions that might just make you question capitalism.

Today’s Number

27 — the number of times your neighbour’s dog barked during your Zoom meeting.

Crime

Award-winning Naples pizzeria, Dal Presidente has found itself embroiled in a Mafia investigation.

Speculation has arisen that the restaurant may have been serving Hawaiian pizzas after hours with the blinds down, until a whistleblower exposed the operation.

Pizza expert, Donald DiGiorno, stated, "This investigation is a complicated because on one hand, you’ve got potential Mafia involvement, and on the other, there's the culinary crime of pineapple on a pie which is triggering for pizza-Nazis everywhere."

Dal Presidente remains closed as the investigation continues, forcing locals to make do with frozen pizza, which in Italy is about as bad as poking the Pope in the eye.

Entertainment

Messi, the dog actor arrived at the Cannes Festival this week.

But fans of the "Anatomy of a Fall" star may be surprised to learn that the dog is actually footballer Lionel Messi, dressed as a furry.

If you can't tell from the canine's facial features, the name is probably the next biggest giveaway.

Messi, the footballing furry-boi, has now transitioned into acting after discovering that there wasn't an In-N-Out in Florida, where he now plays for Inter Miami.

One of the deciding factors in moving to the MLS in America was that Messi could eat In-N-Out Burger.

Messi thought In-N-Outs were everywhere. Silly boy!

But Messi is a winner.

Instead of focusing on a soccer job nowhere near his favourite fast-food restaurant, he took his passion for dressing up as a dog and turned it into a successful acting career in Hollywood, where In-N-Out restaurants are plentiful.

Inter Miami teammate Luis Suarez hopes to follow in Messi's footsteps by applying for an acting job as Bugs Bunny at Universal Studios, Florida.

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Thanks for reading, and I’ll catch you tomorrow, Deep