To The Moon!

Today's email contains news, numbers, and opinions that should not be read while under the influence of Fabuloso.

Today’s Number

69 — the number of times your parents have performed the 69 on OnlyFans.

Social Media

For readers that enjoy posting short-form videos: a warning from Instagram, who says posting longer Reels can hurt your reach.

After analyzing the story, our resident social media expert, Charles III, King of the United Kingdom, offers guidance on the subject of Reels.

“In general, I would advise against posting Reels, unless you are shipping to a recipient who deals with spools or bobbins in a professional capacity.

Also, depending on the size of the Reel, the costs of postage and packaging should be prohibitive.

But despite this, the younger generation continue to package and post Reels across the world to God knows who.”

“Instead of posting Reels, I recommend sending video tape.

VHS or Betamax. It doesn’t matter. You’ll save on size alone.

Another advantage of video tape is that they fit most letter boxes too.

I hope this clarifies why posting Reels is an impractical pursuit that is best left forgotten.”

Now let us turn our attention to the subject of reach, with our resident digital marketing expert : Orangutan Man.

“If the length of your arms is similar to that of a cucumber, you should increase your reach as a matter of priority.

If you’re unsure, you may carry out the following test at home: try patting the top of your head thrice.

And if you’re out in the open, try this test at your local newsstand: attempt to grab the latest edition of ‘Mammary Monthly’ magazine from the top shelf.

If both tests fail, and your arms look like carrots, definitely work on your reach with a local arms dealer, and also stop posting Reels immediately.”

We thank both King Charles III, and Orangutan Man for their insight and expertise on the subject of Instagram Reels.

Gaming

In a move celebrated by progressives, Playstation has opted to officiate the union of 2 male CEOs to lead the company.

Hermen Hulst, who takes his first name from The Musters, and Hideaki Nishino, who was conceived during a game of hide-and-seek, remain unfazed by growing criticism from conservative gamers who had hoped for a more conventional boy-girl setup.

Critics have pointed to the Bible as a reason to uphold the laws of leading a games console company.

“Adam and Eve were the first CEOs, and look how far they got us!” claimed Billy Bob Roscoe, an avid Playstationer.

Hulst and Nishino have released a statement following the backlash to ease concerns of the traditionalist gamer base: “Our focus remains on delivering the best gaming experiences for our community, regardless of who wears the pants in the house.”

Image of The Day

Thanks for reading. Until tomorrow,

Deep