Coming Out as a Celebrity: Successes and Failures

Hi and welcome to the latest edition of Man Like Deep's newsletter.

My name is Deep. And I am a man.

Anyway, today is Sunday and that's why you received this. Because I send this every Sunday.

The format of this email may change from time to time but the intent is the same: to make you LOL.

Today's email covers celebrities 'coming out' as well as the one Donald Trump question everyone wants to ask, but are likely too afraid to.

So let's get on with it.

Celebrities

Do you remember the days when tabloids would revel in outing secretly gay celebrities? 

Oh, the scandal of it all!

Readers would salivate over every sordid detail penned by reporters who were better suited for jail than journalism.

Well, I'm glad to confirm that those days are well behind us as society accepts that almost anyone can start the week gracefully gay, and end the week flexing as a cis-gendered spanner. 

It's all good now.

However, there is one corner of society that will never forgive a prominent figure from switching sides, as it were, and that is in the backwards world of 'music gatekeepers.'

These are music's version of the famous 'Soup Nazi,’ of Seinfeld fame.

One EDM gatekeeper reportedly put his children up for adoption after discovering a poster of Mary J Blige hanging in one of their bedrooms.

And of course, there is the now-infamous story of pop star Bonnie Tyler, known for rock ballads and mental hair, who decided it was the right time to come out as a Junglist. 

Not only did her leather-clad fans disown her, the Junglists also said "No.”

Poor Bonnie Tyler was stuck in a musical abyss, rejected by all, and without a scene to call home. 

In the end, Tyler decided it was best to step away from public life and pursue life as a car mechanic.

But her desire to explore the pleasures of Junglism through Amazon Basics bluetooth speakers alienated her work colleagues and ultimately lead to her termination from her job at the auto shop.

Unfortunately employment laws in built-up areas do not currently cover discrimination based on musical orientation. Most of the words in those long-winded legal books have gone to protecting K9 furry types, exclusively.

"There is a long way to go," lamented Ricky Martin, who himself came out as gay, and while emboldened with support, decided to come out again, this time, as a prog-rock aficionado. 

"My longer hair actually goes well with my bald patch," said Martin, as he sat down to explain his efforts to influence legislation from a desk inside a self-built giant orb structure.

"The biggest challenge I have at the moment is writing emails. I can't type for shit while I'm wearing these wizard sleeves."

As Ricky Martin continues his fight, Bonnie Tyler continues to struggle with her musical orientation, and a steady job. 

A GoFundMe campaign has been set up by her neighbors to help raise funds for a pair of turntables and a couple of bits off of Discogs.

Donald Trump

Now that ex-president Donald Trump has been found guilty of falsifying business records, political pundits are asking the one question that has been on the minds of many, which is:

Thank you for reading.

Have a good week. Be sure to delete your browsing history and always pick your nose in public.

Deep